Hammerhead (2005)

When a brilliant but misguided scientist is banished to a remote island his stem cell research and DNA manipulation give birth to horrifying results. By combining the most vicious killer of the oceans with the intelligence of man, he hopes to create a super killer whose domain is land and sea. Now only a small group of scientists can stop his evil plans as one of his Hammerhead/Man creations hunts them down one by one with seemingly no place to hide.

Chum

I apologize to Michael Oblowitz. I once wrote a review for the Steven Seagal flick "The Foreigner" in which I blasted this director. If I remember correctly, I think I called him a hack who would never work in Hollywood again. Obviously, I was wrong. Not only did Oblowitz lens another Seagal film, "Out for a Kill," he moved on to make this movie, the jaw droppingly horrific, 2005 made for television clunker "Hammerhead". I didn't know my man Oblowitz directed this sucker when I initially stumbled over the premise on the Internet a ways back. All I saw was a description that said a half man, half shark creation made by an evil scientist wreaks havoc on a bunch of hapless fools. Moreover, "Hammerhead" got the green light from the friendly folks over at the Sci Fi Channel. I knew I was shark bait after reading that description. A human/shark hybrid? The Sci Fi Channel? I'm there with bells on! Sure enough, I found myself out hunting for a copy shortly thereafter. My elation grew as I looked at the cast list. The presence of the venerable William Forsythe and the even more venerable Jeffrey Combs heightened my excitement. Here's a cheese classic for the ages, I thought.

I was wrong. Oh, it's cheesy all right, but "Hammerhead" will hardly stand the test of time that every classic must go through. Read on to find out why. The mad scientist Dr. Preston King (Combs) invites a bunch of corporate types to his research facility on an uncharted island. The members of this group include Amelia Lockhart (Hunter Tylo), her beau Tom Reed (Forsythe), Whitney Feder (Arthur Roberts), and a bunch of other folks I refer to as walking chum. Anyway, they go to the island in order to discover what King has been spending all the company's money on for the last few years. The answer becomes readily apparent as the completely insane Preston introduces us to his newest creation. Enter Hammerhead man, a human/shark hybrid that King hopes to make the dominant species on earth. Uh huh. In the meantime, he announces that his visiting dignitaries must now die at the hands of his creation. Maybe he's trying to get rid of witnesses or something. Of course, most of our heroes escape the assassination attempt. Now they must run around the island trying to avoid shark boy and King's mercenary army (!). Lots of bloody carnage ensues, along with a fair amount of unintentional hilarity.

As the story progresses, we learn the movie has a few nasty little secrets. One, shark boy is actually King's terminally ill son. The good doctor saved his child from the ravages of cancer only to turn him into this monstrosity. Two, Amelia Lockhart once had a relationship with Preston's son. Three, and most importantly, King hopes that his ugly little monster will breed with a human woman so that the subsequent offspring will go forth and conquer the world. Don't look at me; I didn't write the script. Anyway, after endless running around and a few deaths (along with a few cheesy encounters with Mr. Hammerhead man, revealed in confusing, quick cut editing fashion in order to hide the zipper) the movie grinds into its inevitable final part. Oddly, the picture turns from a fairly mundane and ridiculous beastie flick into a kill 'em all actioner as the surviving characters open up a can of whupass on King's mercenary force. It's nice to know corporate executives know how to use assault weapons. They must have sandwiched in that training between operating a copier and forwarding e-mail using Outlook Express. Do I really need to go on? Not really, but I will anyway.

"Hammerhead" would have tanked at the box office had the film actually received a theatrical run. It's likely it would have tanked on DVD if idiots like myself hadn't run right out to rent a copy. How could it have succeeded? Nearly every element of the film misfires in horrific ways. Especially egregious are the lame special effects used to realize Hammerhead Man. I've seen more believable effects in a grade school play than I did in this movie. The beastie looks terribly unconvincing, and even more so when the quick cut editing techniques come into play. In an effort to hide the creature's glaring flaws, the camera tricks actually draw the viewer's attention to just how ridiculous this thing looks. Sigh. Another problem involved the direction. Take a close look at the Rambo style action scenes at the end of the flick. Was it just me or did the choreography look really bad? It's hard to follow what's happening. Oh well. The movie isn't without a few positives, mainly Jeffrey Combs on autocamp as the lunatic Dr. King and William Forsythe as a keister-kicking executive. Hunter Tylo's bod adds much needed eye candy to the proceedings. These positives are NOT enough to overcome the film's inherent flaws, however.

It is my sad duty to report to you that the DVD version of "Hammerhead" comes with zero in the way of extras. Yes sir, we're dealing with a barebones disc here. I'm actually not surprised that we don't get a commentary track, cast and crew interviews, or behind the scenes footage. Why would anyone working on or starring in this movie want to promote his or her efforts? It's not like they'll win an award for a movie named "Hammerhead". Moreover, it helps to keep a low profile when making a picture like this one if an actor or actress wishes to work in Hollywood again. On a final note: when did Hunter Tylo start looking like a clone of Janine Turner? I'd throttle back on the plastic surgery if I were you, lady. I like your body, but you're a few botox injections away from being cast in the sequel as the beastie! May 13, 2007

Absolute Garbage

I can't believe this stinker even made it to the Dollar Rental rack at my local grocery store. What a worthless piece of junk. I feel cheated paying a buck to rent it. Shame on the actors that demeaned themselves in the making of such a dog. June 21, 2006

Bad concept, worse execution.

Hammerhead is a movie about a half-man half-shark. Just click "x."

Still with me? Good. In Hammerhead, and evil doctor whose name I forgot invites a bunch of random people to his evil laboratory. (I'll refer to him as "Dr. Alberfesto" from this point, since that's probably his name anyway.) Maybe they got golden tickets, or perhaps Dr. Alberfesto sent a blood-stained invitation via red-eyed skeleton vulture, I can't really remember. Dr. Alberfesto invited these people to show them a scientific breakthrough of his. That being, he genetically combined his son who had cancer with a shark, as to cure him of his illness. (Makes perfect sense.) "You're mad!" one of the random main characters gasped. Dr. Alberfesto, feeling that his sanity was possibly in question, excused himself from the room. ...And activated a button that released the tank containing his mutant son. Dr. Alberfesto, like all great villains, rested comfortably with the knowledge his visitors were dead.

However, in an astute display of competence, one of Dr. Alberfeso's guards dropped an assault rifle in the room before leaving, for no apparent reason. The shark monster was unleashed, sometimes appearing in its rubber glory for a full nanosecond before the ADD-afflicted cameraman veered into some brick wall. Apparently this movie takes place in an alternate dimension where gunpowder works when it gets wet, because one of the random main characters dived under, grabbed the rifle, and fired off a few shots. After this clumsy exchange, out heroes noticed a convenient ladder leading out of the room. In a shocking twist, Dr. Alberfesto was in fact watching this on his evil-cam with his fingers connected, perhaps twirling his mustache. He revealed in one of the most asinine plot devices ever, that his shark-son hunting the main characters would awaken a more docile and human psyche in him for some reason.

The next few scenes were feral and visceral observations of human desperation, prodding your innermost fears with lines like: "These shoes are ruined." The next hour or so shows our heroes vacantly wandering around in a forest, sometimes getting eaten by the mutant shark or getting poison ivy, and sometimes engaging in firefights choreographed by Malaysian slaves. At the end of the movie, all but two characters are dead. They are captured and taken back to Dr. Alberfesto's invariably evil laboratory.

Our female lead woke up upside-down on a contraption that lowered into a tank of water containing the mutant shark. The evil scientist explained that he planned on his mutant shark son mating with her. Maybe this isn't painfully stupid, and the director was trying to satisfy an underplayed fetish of some sort. Anyway... I'm not complaining about a lack of gratuitous nudity, but apparently sharks now know how to remove articles of clothing. Sharks are vicious, but I can't imagine even them easily impregnating someone through a pair of panties. The other main character totally unexpectedly charged in Rambo-style, spraying the mutant shark with liquid nitrogen until he exploded. Somehow. Some other stuff happens and fin.

Explaining this movie was like watching it twice, which may require therapy. It wasn't offensively stupid on all levels, which is why it sucked so immensely. It was like the director wasn't expecting Hammerhead to be bad, so he made sure it took itself seriously; crafting one of the most dull, corny, and unintentionally pretentious insomnia-remedies in quite some time.
- Thus says the Pellington March 13, 2006

HAMMER HEAD no bite, but stupidly fun

first of all, there is only one reason to see this movie--JEFFREY COMBS. I bought this crap(and I knew it) at my local BLOCKBUSTER. special effects: POOR, acting: (what acting?), more like overacting and that can be fun to watch too--overall, POOR, plot: revenge, eating humans, and so many plot holes I lost count. now, the good points: HUNTER TYLO, while not naked you do see her hanging upside down in a bra(worth it)--JEFFREY COMBS, his mad scientist roles are never bad to watch---NOW HE IS A GREAT ACTOR(love ya jeffrey--too cool, too funny). this is great movie if you are burned out on intellectual garbage and your brain needs a rest. put your popcorn in and sit down. it was bad but it was great. 1-star, but fun February 8, 2006

Project Sharkman

One reviewer claimed this was a typical sharkman movie. I don't think there have been enough sharkman movies to define a typical, but it does fit the mad scientist mode that was so popular for so long.

Jeffrey Combs is a disgruntled scientist with an axe to grind. He has retreated to an island where he has set up a small empire complete with army (funny how discredited scientist always seem to have huge fortunes). There he has crossed a man with a hammerhead shark and is trying to enhance the human elements as well as breed a new race of man. Unfortunately the creature seems to prefer eating women to mating with them and Combs never seems to hit on the idea of artificial insemination.

A corporate science team has arrived to view Combs's stem cell research but they quickly learn the truth behind their invitation. The island is full of all sorts of crossbreeds, particularly carnivorous plants and all of the corporate scientists seem top act like ex-commandos.

I expected a slightly different ending or cliffhanger that never materialized and there were plot paths that were never explored or exploited. Plus we never get a clear view of the creature so the special effects folks never had to figure out hoe to make it move realistically. This is fence-sitting film that has elements to make it good as well as bad. January 29, 2006

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